The world and everything in it.

2nd day of school was horrible, that I don't even wana go school anymore!! :'( Sigh...


But I don't want to care about them. So many things are coming up soon, real soon. So many things to do. Excited. But if only I could find a reliable and trusted friend in school, things would be so much better :'(


I'm quite lost right now, don't know why I'm acting so differently. Don't really know what I want. Don't know why i'm acting the way I am. I'd prefer to hide. Prefer to be alone. Prefer not to be disturbed. And I get really angry with people most of the time. I hate being around my friends.


Verses and quotes appearing to me in different ways. Telling me about hatred and forgiveness. Now I find it so hard to do so. What have I done this time....... Haih. I hate my friends. I don't trust anyone anymore. I'm killing myself from the inside with all these hatred. I feel so betrayed, abandoned and worthless. I feel like crying, but it's even more sad in the end, knowing there's no one to borrow you their shoulders to cry on in school. Which is more disappointing. Why are people like this everywhere? Guess I have to go through all of it this year alone.


If my friends wonder why I'm so "anti-social", well, I don't try hard just to feel part of you, in fact, I don't try at all. And will never want to be friends like you. I want to be the friend that last for a life time, but you're just a friend that last for a season.


Now i'm wondering.......... Is it really their problem? Or is it mine.... Gosh, screwed mind. Screwed my life.


Friends come to me with their problems, I feel so hard to care for them anymore. I'm being so negative, I can't help myself. Now i'm thinking, being the encouragement cell leader for CF this year, I think, i'll end up discouraging everyone with my current attitude. Being the shepherd for Steadfast soon, I think CJ would do a better job. *lol*


How can I serve God and others with the kind of attitude that i'm having? No, I can't..... I must do something about it, and I have a few weeks to work on it. Hopefully.... I'll stop looking at the worldly things that brings me down, but look at the Heavenly realms, it's God! The only Hope when all else fails. Which is already happening. Let me just sigh......



Currenly filling my thoughts with: add maths homework, studies, CF registration, encouragement cards, CF camp meeting, athletics, exams, cousin's wedding, "friends", youth, church, dance practice & audition, friends who are in so much need.