Do you know what it feels like?! :'(

It is so hard for me to face school. With the people there, getting pressurized everyday by their intelligence. What really insulted me was the "new" guy that is sitting beside me in class asked me, "You got study wan meh?" after he praised another friend of mine. It really pissed me off. I rather sit alone.


After my close friend told others what I told her, they started treating me nicely. At first I thought, "Oo, today is finally a happy day!", until I found out that they did it because my close friend told them. Thanks la, what genuine friendship.


I only suffer in school, I really really really really don't want to go school. No matter how many times I cry over it, how many times I prayed about it, how many times I want to bang my head on the wall because of it, I STILL have to go school.


I only look for people who understands me, which are very few. I can count them in one hand. So sad to know that. Stephy's sad, Vanessa and her friends are sad, I'm sad too. When can I really bring myself through it? Who's gona be with me to help me? I just want to go school feeling excited, without fears, meeting lovely friends, understand what teacher is teaching and complete add maths question without having to turn left and right to ask around. That's just impossible la.



I hate school. I will never love school. I can never say I love my school life as some people would say it. And it is sad to say that too. All I learnt out of it was that friends are never true. All I can remember about it is that I had to struggle in every area, myself. Some people that reads my blog would say, "Huey Wern, you are a Christian. How can you have hatred against your friends? And God already gave you everything you need, why do you complain?" I tell you just one thing, you can just make it through with just a step, but I can't. Accept that i'm really weak, mentally, spiritually. Instead of telling me that I should stop worrying and being sad, encourage me, or shut up, like what Elder Beng Teong would say. Because your words surely had made me worst.


"He is close to the broken hearted, and those who are crushed in the spirit." That is why I love God. He never leaves me, especially at times where I need Him most. He is with me. But I don't know when I can feel that everything is right. I had to wake up every morning with missery. I can't do this for another one hundred days.



You know what? Every paragraph is about the same. Describing how much I hate what i'm going through right now. And I know I can write another 5 more paragraph about the same thing. But I don't want to complain too much. I'm just gona mind my own business.


And so in the end.... I still feel the same, and I don't feel any better. I really hate what i'm feeling.