Teenager's life was never easy

It's Horrible! You change... Into worst. Especially when you have no one to hold your hand incase you fall. I always held on to God. Without Him, I wouldn't be who I am right now, wouldn't be in this place, wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now. He was always the Hand I held unto everytime when *crap* happens. How can I possibly survive without Him in my life? NEVER. I would become dust.


But recently, I can't hear Him, I can't feel His presence, there were no answers, I felt abandoned. Maybe it's something I did. Or maybe He wants me to learn something. Was screaming in my heart in the girl's toilet today, "Where are you....???!!" Coz "crap" happened and I fell and I have no one else to save me but Him. I can't depend on my family, especially my parents, not on my friends, who else? Imaginary friend? I'll be on my way to Tanjung Rambutan if I have one.


Like what my sister said, we have a "f**ked up" family. It is true. Eversince we disowned each other. From father to mother, father to daughter, daughter to father, mother to daughter. They don't care how we feel, what we go through. Everytime when we share our emotional thoughts or plans, they don't give a crap about it. Very directly they said, "I don't want to know, just make sure you don't regret." Oh wow, you parents are so encouraging. You think you've done a good job by feeding us and doing what YOU think parents should do? Well you have just neglected the most important thing. And you've became the worst examples of our lives.


I found more reasons to hate than to love you. No one knows my parents. You think they're perfect? Be in my position one day and suffer hell! The worst thing is, they not only can't understand us, they DON'T WANT TO. You want examples? Here you go.


1.) This very morning. I have a sickness called "fong-sap". My leg hurts. Since my dad woke up so early, so I told him how uncomfortable I felt. After telling him, instead of asking with concern, he first gave me the "wth look", then telling me "young ppl don't have fong-sap one la, where u heard from one?". It was Iris that told me how fong-sap would feel like. It hurts when the weather is cold. And it helps when your leg is warm. So I am sure that it is fong-sap, and i'm not the only "young person" that has it, Kah Lin has it too. And my dad goes "Why do you listen to your friends? Did they teach you how to eat as well?". WTV. There were more craps he said. I just went off to school right away. CAN'T BEAR HIM. I rather listen to my friends because they are more understanding and they make more sense when talking.


2.) Was in Bread Stories buying bread for breakfast. Oh, look! There's the sugary donut, so I took it. It was only RM1.50. And my mom bought 2 huge bread with meat inside for my brother and my sister bought other stuffs too. And so the bill came out, "RM15??" "Why so expensive? I thought got discount?" And the worker explained that they discount my donut. And my mom shouted in the bakery, "Why you so dumb go get a cheap bread? You should've got something more expensive!(so more discount)" And she used her finger and pushed my head as if I was REALLY dumb. wth la. I love the bread, all u cared bout is money? When I bought the cheapest? I don't need you to get anything for me.


3.) There are so many things my parents did. If u really wana know, I have to tell u personally because.. It's too personal, lol. Geezee.. So many... Many p.i.t.b things they did. And they ask me not to do it. Is there like, something wrong with you?



I don't know what do I get after saying all these. I have always tried to understand my parents. I know they grew up like me. I know the life they gone through has made them like dat. BOTH my parents went through a tough time. At least I bother to ask around and find out bout their history. But living with them... It's so tough. I realized I became more impatient, rebellious, short-tempered and rude. Felt so bad to those I treated badly that did not hurt me. Maybe it's bcz of all these that God is hiding away from me and from my wicked ways. Haih.. When will I ever be done with all these? God save me!!