Something I have been facing for quite a long time. It can be the most pleasant thing, but in the same time, it can also be the most horrible thing that you can ever go through.
I remembered the first time I had it, prayed so hardly, and it's finally gone. But.... IT'S BACK AGAIN!!! And it was pleasant at first, until I realized that I've gone too far. Few nights before I couldn't sleep, was trying to get it off my mind. Of course it takes time. But it's too long. And so I asked God to take it all away, since He's done it before. But it's still here...
But when I think of it, it's actually not a bad thing. But I don't know why am I avoiding it, rejecting it, not accepting it. If I could just see it the other way round..... But I refuse. Why? I don't know.. Maybe i'm afriad something bad would happen. Coz the effect last a life time!!
So to avoid it, I lied, and cause myself so much trouble. Having something to replace it, when obviously it wouldn't work, but it helps a little with time. How not to? Aaarrgghh.. Lately, it's that BAD. Coz it got so good. (I know until this point you wouldn't get a single thing I said)
Never again will I get myself involved in this. But I hope I'm not blocking myself to everything that there is. I'm so young and immature. Guess I'm still growing. When will I grow up?
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