Wear On Your Helmet and...

Prepare for battle!!! Roar!!!!


I'm going back to training in another 7 more hours. My last training was about 3 months ago. It sounds short, but it's like a few years for me. Maybe because I don't wana go back there. It's one of my worst nightmare.


The people there, and the things we have to go through... Really scares me. Why am I still going on then? Because I can't escape from it. I don't even have a choice. My coach is the BOSS. But it's also a part of me already. It hunts me because I have to go through hard training sessions, where all the achings, brain-aches, pushing, vomitting, cramps, the HOT sun, not a compliment. Roar! It scares me alot lahh... And when you don't have the passion to do it anymore, you'll feel like it's hell. My passion for it has gone alot. Maybe there's still a little left, but I will only get discouraged after every competition.


There's no one to comfort me, no one to encourage me there. And when I lost, I get disappointments, from my coach whom I look up to, and my whole team. If I was weaker mentally, I wouldn't have survive with all the discouragement I received before this. I already have some effects from it. God has always been the 3rd leg for me, when my legs were incredibily weak. He's the only reason why I could go on. I needed God so much in every training session that I need to confirm that He's watching over me. Lol. yea. I remembered hearing His voice before :p


Well I'm afraid to go back there. Afraid to face those people. Afraid to not reach their expectations. Afraid to fail. Again. And again. With completely NO ONE to be there for me. No one I can turn to. It's so misserable. I rather the javelin strike me. My expectation for tomorrow is... Sir would be asking "Finally decided to come back for training(angry tone)(stares..)?", sun burns, whole body muscle aches, HUGE headache while running, might vomit, and... Fear. Haih God, please deliver me like You always do. Amen. We'll see how it goes.


"If I die, I want a pink coffin!!"