I wanted to delete my recent post, but since Kheng left a looong comment to it, lol, I wouldn't now. Anyway, thanks...


I didn't go school today again, I think I have a different reason today. I don't want to face my friends. I don't want to torture myself for 6 hours dealing with disagreements. Yea I know that if we don't solve it, things will stay that way. But i'm at the point where I don't care, so leave me alone and figure out how to save yourselves.


You see, the problem is me. I am the problem. Not my exams, not my family, not my friends, but ME. I find it very hard to be myself around people. Because around people/friends, i'm a happy-go-lucky sanguine! Oh wow.. It's hard because I need to be a melancholic more than a sanguine, sometimes. So if I wander away alone, U can leave me alone just to think for a while. Or if i'm quiet, let me tell you, it's very normal for me if you don't know.


I don't know how to relate my situation now with God. I'm so sorry to say that. I don't know how Heaven is gona motivate me to do what i'm suppose to do now. I can't think Him.


You know CJ told me to listen to more emo songs and be emo. I think he's trying to help, but I don't understand how that would help me. He said it helped him to express himself better, and at times when he needed to cry, he did. But for my case... It's BAD. It's more addictive to listen to emo songs than Christian songs. And I let myself drown in this miserable feeling that I have. And I can't help it. But if I have to search for all kinds of christian music just to give me hope, i'm gona start from Brooke Fraser's.



If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here.



Lord, help me to make this day productive in whatever way. Amen.