I'm so fed up with almost everything.
I'm sick of cleaning the house alone. Sister doesn't even want to help. She thinks I have OCD but the problem is her, not me.
Sugarush? It's so hard to manage them. I feel that they rely on me too much. Rely on me to search for a good song and a good choreography. And when I love this super nice choreography, they don't like it. Gawsh, what do they actually want? They don't know. Then i'll have it my way, but then they don't want. Isn't it very troublesome to work with people...?
Studies.... I've lost my hope again. BK trial tonight, I'm gona fail again.
People... They like to call me for unnecessary reasons. Half way napping, a form 2 girl die also want to take picture with me. She wants me to bring camera or phone to school when it's obviously breaking the rules. But if I reject her, she'd never talk to me again (yes she's like that). CJ; he wants me to get involve in everything. Sometimes I wana shoot myself, cz I can't shoot him. Mom & dad & eldest sister: Like to take me for granted. Wonder how it is like to be mean and don't feel sorry about it.
Friends: Get pissed at me when I give up. Instead of helping me. Sister; Got her a drink from ss2/esso/7-eleven, deliver water to her room as she requested, wash her clothes, hang them, take them in, folded her clothes. When I want something, she says no. When I ask simple things like: "Help me move this chair back." She said, "I didn't move it here, so i'm not gona do it." WHEN SHE'S ON THE WAY. Gosh... Lord I'm sick of people like this. They do nothing to help me, only make me feel so horrible, like where I am right now.
Maybe you guys should just stop expecting so much from me, and I too, will expect nothing from any of you. Maybe I should understand you guys first. But you don't even try to understand me too, so why should I? I'm so freakin' sick I tell you.
Can't I just have an environment where I can study in peace? Not getting distracted by anyone or anything? Well the house is very quiet, but actually, it's the most messed up place ever. Due to the people who lives here. Parents; It's stupid how your father would ask rental from your mom when she's living at the friggin back room where its hot and there's no friggin light and proper fan. It's annoying and hurtful to know that your parents are friggin pissed everytime they talk like HELLO!! FOR MY WHOLE STUPID RETARDED LIFE, STOP YELLING AT EACH OTHER. YOU GUYS ARE DIVORCED. AND SOMETIMES I THINK IT'S BETTER THAT WAY, CZ YOU CAN'T FREAKING LIVE TOGETHER, EVEN AFTER DIVORCE!!! And yes, I blame you guys for everything I am right now. Why I hate myself, why I get pissed easily, why I simply just can't let go of certain things, why i'm always in fear, why some memories just don't go away.
Father: You hate other men but you are like them. You think you're a good human being, you give charity, but what do u get in the end? Empty. So you spend all your freaking money for gambling and prostitudes, and until today you don't own anything that you can call 'your possesion'. And until today we are still insecure with everything that we have.
Mother: You would not stop lying to yourself. I dont know mom... Nothing seem more important than money and your career and your stupid cats. I suffer sinustis if you don't know, and they will only make my sickness more permanent. Everyday, I had to vacum the house because of their fur. Rather shave them bald. Sigh... Let's not tlak about the cats.
Yada yada yada... And I can never feel contented. Never feel secure. Never feel satisfied. Never feel free. Never feel peaceful.
God if there's only 1 thing that I could ask from You right now, is just to know You more. I know that all these feelings will be gone if I trully know You and Your will and Your promises for me, but i'm not motivated to read Your Word. Sometimes I pray in vain. I feel like a salt that has lost it's saltiness. I'm left to be trampled by men.
I need help :'(
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(The End Of Sin)
ReplyDeleteRevelation 21:3-4 says, "And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
(The Beginning Of Glory)
1 Peter 1:6-9 says, "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
(Forgive And Trust The LORD To Help You Let Go)
Ephesians 4:31-32 says, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
(Be Merciful)
Luke 6:35-38 says, "But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."
(Think Of Good Things)
Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
(The LORD Will Guide You)
Psalm 121:7-8 says, "The LORD will keep you from all harm — he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
(The Holy Spirit And Peace)
John 14:26-27 says, "But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
(Persevere In Life)
Galatians 6:9 says, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
(Trust God Till In Every Situation)
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, " Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Dear Huey Wern, I understand that you are going through a very difficult situation in your life right now. Yet again I encourage you not to give up despite these circumstances in life, for the LORD will never forsake you nor leave you to be trampled by men. All you have to do is just believe in Him, for He cares for you and has a great plan for you =)
1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
Stay strong in the LORD my sister in Christ, will be praying for you =)