Encouragement Cell was........

Was waiting in the classroom for people to arrive. And suddenly, the room was crowded with young girls. Only 3 cute lil boys came in. Haha. Overall, I think it was ok, don't really know in what sense, but they weren't sleeping or doing things in their own world. Everyone got the message and did things together.

But I feel like a hypocrite. I really do. I can't show a good example to encourage people. Putting up a happy/hyper face is so difficult at that moment. But I manage to bring out the super hyper attitude in me because the girl that sat infront of me told me, "WHoa, you're really hyper!" Well of course! I can't be dead, or I'll make everyone around me dead.



What I realized today was that..... I was being very selfish. I expected God to give me what I wanted. In the end, I got something far from it. And it really taught me a lesson. So now, in getting what I have, I definitely won't do well in it because I don't want it in the first place. But only through God, everything will be good. In the same time, he also let someone that I don't really want to be close with (to avoid arguements) to be my partner. God really wana work something in me! I'm just gona let Him.




I feel like i'm wasting my life away. Everything I do in unproductive. I can't seem to get myself high in spirit anymore. And so my birthday is coming. What I really want to do? I want to stay home and sleep, OR, I want to have a family reunion with all my siblings and their bf/wife/baby. My dad wouldn't join us, so it'll be my mom. I really want it. But instead, I'll be making myself tired the whole of Sunday. I'll be having early breakfast with my teacher and friend, then to church, then to sg. Wang, then to sports, then to Aaron's birthday celebration dinner. And the next day is Monday. I need to learn that I can't please everyone. But in trying that, me and my friend argued when I didn't really want to go Sg. wang with them. So I guess i'm just going with them.


Apparently, they plan to pay for my clothings, it's for the dance performance we're having soon. But you know, i'd appreciate much if we just go somewhere nice and not too crowded to chill, small makan session would be good. That's the main reason why I want to skip school on my birthday. Because I've seen them every year, what they do to their friends on their birthday. They make it BIG. They'll spend their whole day making cards/letters/etc for them, getting everyone to sign on it, then go makan after school. All these are really effort work. But.... I don't really want the attention. Especially when it all would just last for a day. After that, nothing seems to be special. So I rather them be normal.



My birthday plan:
Go hospital for check up on Monday morning.
Then attend house practice to teach the young girls netball basics.
I might go training after that.
Then dinner with sister and dad, if he wants or is free to. If not, i'll call my own friends for makan.



So no more 12 o'clock surprises. No more hospital prank. I know Caryn will pop up with something, or maybe she wouldn't this year. I know Shiat Hui would do something, since I made her cry on her birthday last year. Now I made it clear, I don't ask for anything extraordinary, or outstanding. It's just a birthday. Thanks.



Now that I have a mixed feeling, emo, deadly, care-less. I'll go study or try to make myself more usefull. Tatas.