Q: Should I even bother?

Today, my heart felt so heavy. Sometimes I forget to breathe, and there was countless sighing. Tears shed, oh well.... Here we go again.


The sad thing is that, nobody came to comfort me when I was in misery. I think that, if we see our friend crying, we would at least give a tissue? But.... There was nothing at all. It hurts even more lah. So I shouldn't expect anything at all from my 'friends'. So I only end up straining away from them.


I can see that my teacher has given up, teaching us without passion, asking questions and not expecting any response. Everyone knew she cried, she's upset that no one listens to her in class. Am I the only one that bother to make it up to her?


I want her to know that she is respected, treasured, and acknowledged at least. But the other 38 students in my class were talking loud, playing, walking around, laughing, as really if teacher wasn't there. She was right in front, explaining slides, giving examples, asking questions. And a student said, "Teacher look at Jeevain! Look at what he is copying!" He was doing another subject's homework. And teacher said, "I don't care what you do anymore, it's up to you whether you want to listen to me or not, whether you want to learn something or not. But you know that it is wrong, but I do not care anymore."


No one in their right mind was even bothered at what teacher was saying. No one could see further than the words she said. I KNOW that she feels very upset over our attitude in class. But she couldn't control us. And me, I was sitting right infront of her. And throughout the whole hour of Bio, I was suffering. Because of the people around me. They live like they have no conscience. Yes I was angry, very angry. Looking for my monitor to control the class, he was right behind playing with his friends.



When the bell rang, others were still talking, leaving the lab, and teacher said with a low voice, "5 Angsana doesn't even know how to say thank you..." Instead of waiting for my monitor, I wished her for the class, then only everyone followed or realized. Then I went back to my classroom, and the door was locked and a few of us were waiting outside the classroom for so long, waiting for our monitor. So he finally came, I asked, "Who is actually keeping the key?" He said Amir. Then Shannen said, "If you know you are keeping the key, next time be quick." And my smart monitor said," It's not my responsibility." When I heard that, I went furious and said to him,"Of course you are responsible for it! You are responsible to take care of the class, and everything in it." And he said to me, "You made the same mistake last year, so why are you telling me this?" I said, "At least I do my job right, why do you compare yourself with me when you are not even trying?"



I hate it when he draws my mistakes from last year. Hate it when he uses me to say it's ok if I don't do this. Even though I was not perfect, but at least I cared for the sake of teachers. When I took up the responsibility, I took it for a reason, WHEN HE DOESN'T CARE A FREAKING THING. He doesn't care what the teachers feel, he doesn't care how late we will be for class, he doesn't care who left their homeworks behind, he doesn't care whether the class is clean or not, he plays football in class, he didn't stop his friend that was breaking the table into parts, OMGOSHHHHH!!!!



I was thinking, people hated me for restricting them from doing many things last year and they know they had to follow. But this year, teachers hate our class. We are a disgrace to the school. Form teacher had to change our seats many times, lock the door so we would not ponteng, treat us like we're untamed dogs. Thanks alot you people. Thanks alot Shamand for being such a responsible monitor, you should be known for it.



Haih.... Someone asked me if I was ok, I didn't bother to reply because she can talk so much in class when teacher was only 2 feet away from her in the lab, and in the same time, care for me but not care for the teacher. I hate my classmates for hating my teachers. I mean, Pn Vijaya is such a nice lady, motherly, and they went curisng her. I really can't stand them. What on earth is wrong with them?! Sometimes I wonder why I bother so much....... Should I even bother anymore? So what's wrong with me, seriously.....