I feel so troubled in all ways. Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.


I can't even think right. Before this, I knew what I had to do. I managed to stay calm. But right now, i'm off my head. I don't feel right. I feel relly really troubled. As if I know my time of death, and the cause of it.



Knowing that, this week, i'll go through my worst of worst, everyday, until Sunday. Everything starts tomorrow, depression starts right now. Friends? They are interesting. I have really interesting "friends" in my life. But people who i'm very close with are not the ones that can help me, but the other way. But I'm already so troubled, must I carry more burdens to myself?! Oh please no, not right now GOD!!!


The enemy never stops, I tend to give up easily. I'm already struggling so much, please don't come any nearer. Tonight. 3 things hit me hard. And... I can't take it calmly, right now, I'm going insane. I don't want to go through another day. I don't want to sleep for it only makes tomorrow arrive faster. Waking up in fear. Don't sleep is also a bad thing, cz we will suffer depression for longer hours. So what am I suppose to do?!!!!


I'm loosing my mind. This post is only a sign of help. But.... Who on this earth can help me?... Everyone needs help. Every single one person on earth. It doesn't matter whether the matter is big or small, everyone needs help, hope, to be rescued.



You really want to know what I'm feeling right now?


We all tend to expect to receive the same the amount you give. That's why we are not to expect anything from anyone. Nobody is perfect!! This world is unfair. But I am learning to accept it.

But right now, friends, FRIENDS!!! Some chose to lie and hide things from me, it hurts me. Some claim that they are friends when I dont think they are. Some are so troubled they expect me to save their lives. Some who are lost, I can't show them the way home. These are FRIENDS.



School? = Friends.
They'll never understanding the things I do. Because I seem to be the ODD one. Why do I choose to be quiet when everyone is making noise. Why I love a teacher that they hate and gossip about everyday. Why do I do things that is just doesn't seem normal to the world? Because I have a good reason why, and I'll follow it. But right now, I chose to not cheat!! And my friends might think i'm silly. But in their hearts, they don't really care anyway, it's my lost. No, I'll wait for my results. I hate the way they look at me. I hate the thoughts that they think about me. I hate the way they try to make things better when they don't even know what's going on in the first place. Get me out of here as soon as I can I pray.



Life. Personal life.
What about mine? Well, yes I have a secret. So deep that I told no one on earth. So deep that only God knows. That's how deep it is. I long to share it with at least one person, but I can't afford to. And so i'm struggling with it, for 2 and a half freaking years!!!!!!!!!!!! And my sister was telling me about her problems, when I was in a deep thought with my problems. I had to listen to her, at least try. But it only kills me cz while she is sharing hers, I can't share mine. Why must life be so so super hard? :'(



I'm loosing my head. Sunday night is where you read the bible and pray that you are well prepared for the weak ahead. But tonight, is where I gave my courage up. I cannot imagine how am I suppose to survive the week ahead. I really felt like I was going to die somewhere this week, and i'm so fustrated by it. If only, anyone who reads this, would TRULLY and FULLY understand what i'm feeling and share this with me, go through it with me, things might get better, at least, slightly. But nobody trully or fully understands. I only know what they are going through when I read other people's blog, but I can NEVER trully or fully understand them. So don't waste your time Huey Wern.



This is a time where, I type whatever that's in my exploding mind. Please let me go nuts for a while. I can't be in my right mind now. My sister told me that we are all born with a certain characteristics. My natural character, was a happy, contented, simple, cheerful one. But today, because of everything that I go thorugh, I grew bitterness, half of my joy is gone. Therefore, I can't live out as who I'm suppose to be, I can't reach my full potential in being a person that I can be. I'm wasting alot of time for God to slowly teach me and bring me up. I'm wasting my time as a youth where I can do so many things that we can't do when we are older. That's what I thought.



Maybe if I stay calm now.... Everything would be better.....