There's only One.

The other day at Living Free class, the topic was about "Fear of rejection". Whoa.......


At the end of the class where they would pray for us, uncle Chee Soon was telling me that he was thinking about me that very morning. He knew that there's just something about me that is not right. Speaking to me propheticly, he sense that there is a great potential in me but because of the fears that I have that has kept me in bondage, I cannot be who Christ wants me to be. And he said many things that are true about me, it's just that I didn't know how to react to it.


When aunty Nancy and uncle Chee Soon prayed for me, uncle Chee Soon had a vision. He saw that I am hiding myself in this shell of mine, where that is my comfort zone. Even though being in my own comfort zone, he sense that I feel very fustrated because there are many chains with locks tying me up. He said that Jesus is offering all the keys for the locks for me to open it up myself. And he asked me to open the locks with the keys. One by one. The only thing I could imagine is that the keys were pwetty, hehehe.


In the end, he told everyone to lift up our hands and imagine Jesus on the cross infront of you, almost dying. *this is the teary part* Jesus asking us to surrender all the fears that we have in us to Him. Give it all to Him. At that moment, I don't know why, but it seems super hard for me. It's not that I want it, but I just couldn't. And there goes my tears lah. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. In the end, when I finally made it, in return, Jesus gave us His everlasting love and grace. :)


Whatever uncle Chee Soon and aunty Nancy told me that day, I still am thinking about it frequently. Uncle Chee Soon said that he would want to see a change in me within a year. Ahh.... Pressure.



What I really want to say here is......
Sometimes I may not reach your expectation, may fail to do some things, may ruin up things, may irritate you by the things that I do over & over again.
I don't know how to explain myself. I always try to do my best in everything. But fear is holding me back. If only I could just break the glass, I would. But if I fail, the last thing I need is discouragement. It may take 10 years for me to break, so please help me instead of making me worst.



What I also realized is that friends, some are just temporary. Sometimes God sends a friend to encourage me, build me up, help me, but when I'm good already, God takes them away. So that I'm only dependable to God. Well that's a smart idea God, but it's kinda hard. Arrghhh...... Just last night when I was alone, I just realized that I have many friends that needs a somebody to hear them, but I actually have not a friend that I can share my problems with. When it hit me, I felt very burdened. Guess God is the only one in my "helper" list. Not my siblings, nor parents, not my mentors, nor pastors, nor friends.



I'm even more desperate for You now. Thanks. ..............................