Everyday is the same

I feel terrible today. I don't even know how to face my friends anymore. They can just say it like ABC, but I have to bear them. Are they that inconsiderate? Thanks to all the discouragement from my friends and teachers today I feel like dying.


Does anyone on earth at all even understands me? Sometimes I feel that God blocked my friends' hearts so that they wouldn't understand me and so I will not rely on them but only to God. I keep telling myself that these things are not that bad that I cannot handle. But the next thing I know, I can't face the people I face anymore. :(


The expression on my face really tells that I'm not okay. I really can't fake another smile anymore. I pray every morning while walking to school so that I will not give in to sin, be a good example of Christ. But everyone doesn't see and accept me. I was so hurt by the words of my closest friend today, it is true that the tongue is powerful. I wanted to confront her, but another friend of mine told me to just erase it. Well.... I did neither of them. It's still stuck in my mind and am trying to forgive and forget.



I've gone missing in class, I was actually sleeping at the back because I didn't want to join any of them. With or without, my presence doesn't mean much to them. I especially hate it when they try to care, because I know the truth. I hate it when they think they know what's going on, and they talk nonsense. And all the rubbish!!!



Can I for once be mean and selfish? No I can't. So I'm suppose to do what I should. Understand and forgive them. Give in to them and not myself. Help them and do not expect anything good back. Stop being selfish and do not expect anyone to understand me. Pour out my complaints only before God. Pfft... I guess reading the bible would calm me down. But i'm just gona pour out all my complaints, unsatisfaction, cries, anger before God. I wana do it my way and be emotional!! Because He is God and He understands!! And only He can fill me with the joy I seek. Haih..... Who's a better friend than He......?



Training later. Let the rain pour and let me be sad under it. It feels great releasing sorrow under the rain. No one would notice if I cry either. And you can be one-on-one with God under the rain too. Awesome. Dear blog..... I will be seeing you more frequently these days.