I was nervous on Sunday morning before service started, knowing that I'm gona lead a song for the first time in church. The night before, I wanted to just seek security in Him by reading the bible. So I put on my facial mask, and asked God to hold on for 15 minutes. But I slept with my mask on until the alarm rang at 6.30am. "Resting" on the bed = sleeping.
So before we start practising, I open the bible, hoping God would speak to me. And I ended up in 1 Corinthians 2:1-5. Paul was saying that he came to the Corinthians in weakness and fear and that his message was not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that their faith will not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power. Same thing applies! A reminder that I shouldn't rely on my own strength or ability to sing, but with the demonstration of the Spirit's power! And I told God that it doesn't matter if i'm gona sing off key or sound terrible cz if it matters, I would have a different purpose to sing already.
Been healing physically but hurting emotionally. What a great balance. I need to learn how to control my emotions so that when things happen, I know how to handle myself. But..... I'm very emotional. And most of the time, I cannot take it. Just waiting for the day when I would run away or do something worst. If it wasn't for caroling, I would have ran to I don't know where that night already. I cannot bear the see loved ones fighting against each other. To see us so broken inside. And we can't make it right because it's all wrong, ever since the beginning. I am always left this way.
I'm just gona tell myself that everything's gona be fine. Just needed time to heal. And time will pass and everything will be a past. Just a short period of suffering. Haih.... I wonder how long would I tell myself that and how long it would work. At the mean time, keeping myself occupied helps alot than staying at home to think about everything that is going on or is about to happen. I need a retreat from my life. A long retreat. That is why I ain't gona go training for one and a half months. More time, less things to think about. Just what I needed. And I believe that's why I went through operation as well. Thanks God.
So before we start practising, I open the bible, hoping God would speak to me. And I ended up in 1 Corinthians 2:1-5. Paul was saying that he came to the Corinthians in weakness and fear and that his message was not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that their faith will not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power. Same thing applies! A reminder that I shouldn't rely on my own strength or ability to sing, but with the demonstration of the Spirit's power! And I told God that it doesn't matter if i'm gona sing off key or sound terrible cz if it matters, I would have a different purpose to sing already.
Been healing physically but hurting emotionally. What a great balance. I need to learn how to control my emotions so that when things happen, I know how to handle myself. But..... I'm very emotional. And most of the time, I cannot take it. Just waiting for the day when I would run away or do something worst. If it wasn't for caroling, I would have ran to I don't know where that night already. I cannot bear the see loved ones fighting against each other. To see us so broken inside. And we can't make it right because it's all wrong, ever since the beginning. I am always left this way.
I'm just gona tell myself that everything's gona be fine. Just needed time to heal. And time will pass and everything will be a past. Just a short period of suffering. Haih.... I wonder how long would I tell myself that and how long it would work. At the mean time, keeping myself occupied helps alot than staying at home to think about everything that is going on or is about to happen. I need a retreat from my life. A long retreat. That is why I ain't gona go training for one and a half months. More time, less things to think about. Just what I needed. And I believe that's why I went through operation as well. Thanks God.
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