Hiding In The Shadows

I feel like the saddest girl alive, though I know I am not. But the feeling of being gripped by fear every second when i'm awake, and every time I sleep I dream of my fears.
Do you know how that feels? It's a life of a failure, full of insecurity, full of bitterness.


I've been having fever for 10 days. I've struggled to fight my way out. I've been very lonely in my thoughts. I feel so weak.
I have ambitions that I want to achieve but couldn't. I've been disgraced by many due to my hope for the better. For 10 days I plan, 10 days I worry, 10 days i'm sick and couldn't get anything done. Which left me discouraged in my own death bed. I'm almost loosing all my motivation to go on with a life that is made new. I feel even worst when there's no one to tell me that it is okay when I cry so hard that has caused me to get sick again. Why does God let me fight this war without a friend by my side?


Look, if this is life, then it is. It's hard in many ways we all know that. One thing about me is that I was never equipped by parents, instead of teaching me what is right, they left me with a broken future. Therefore, I live in one.


It's hard to answer the question "What's wrong?" when nothing is right.


Another thing that I want to say is that, I am a Christian. Everything that I feel now is not from Him, but from the devil.
I know in everything that I say here, there's a verse to back me up. Okay?
Still, I WANT TO EXPRESS MYSELF SINCE I DON'T HAVE A FRIEND TO DO THAT ANYMORE. SO JUST LET ME LAH KAY.
But you can pray that I won't feel this way for long, and hopefully get out from this mess. Sometimes I think it will never happen.

It will never happen.