blogger is no longer affective

And the lyric goes...

...... I am torn to do what I have to.......


I am desperate for a solution to every problem that I am facing now, DESPERATE. See my face? No you can't see. I tried so hard, cried so much, screamed so loud!!! But it has totally no effect. Things are still the same.



Had dinner with my dad after a massive arguement that just happened a few days ago. By the way that he acted on the day we argued and today, it's so obvious that he didn't want to stay that way, but want to make things better. So he took us out for dinner and invited Aaron, hoping things would still be the same. Well, being me, I hope things will be the same, but unfortunately, it's a whole lot worst. But I tried! Tried talking happily, enjoying every food that enters my mouth, enjoy looking at Aaron being so quiet, enjoy when my dad is talking 'happily'. Unlike my sister, I wasn't thinking about the incident that day when it hurt everyone. She was still angry, not talking nor looking at my dad, not responding to him. And my dad just got rejected silently every time he talks to her or ask her if she wants more soup. So how would I feel? I got angry at her being so angry when i'm angry at the same reason also. =.=" In the end, I told Shiat Hui bout this, she came to my house. I told her that though I am finally talking normally to my dad, and though he finally behaves normal now, we both know that things are not well and have become worst. Nothing really got better. Our lives and the way we live it. It is painful to talk about the truth.



My pms(pre-menstrual syndrome) pimples are on my face. It's a sign that my pms is coming, or maybe it's already happening. I will try my best to control my emotions but all girls know that we can't really do much especially during pms.



I have no school tomorrow, no meeting or appointments, no work, it's late now when everyone's asleep, i have a room all by myself, I have plenty of reasons, a box of tissue, a dustbin to collect rubbish, a whole lot of emotions to express, so what is stopping me from crying now? Everything around me seem to want to make me cry. Yes the tissue box said it, "Use me, and you'll feel better." :'(



I feel so helpless in my situation now. Feel so weak facing the truth, accepting the pain, going through it, resisting it, but have not overcome it. I'm afraid to live but also afraid to die, so what shall I do? I never fail to ask God to help me to sleep every night when i'm down. How I hope I can just numb my brain so I don't have to think just so I can sleep. I don't want to start using sleeping pills like i'm a sick person. I just find it very difficult to control my thoughts and emotions. It was never this hard before. It's either me or things are just so bad :( nobody really knows. I shouldn't expect anyone to know. Life is unfair anyway, everyone is selfish. Guess we're just seeking for love and satisfaction at the wrong place.


Haih.... When will I ever get out of this miserable feeling? It has been a while... It feels like it has been going on for very long already. Or maybe it was. WHATHECRAP. Stop talking crap and go to sleep HUEYWERN!!!!!!


Fine. I give up blogging, I still don't feel better after blogging anyway :'(