I'm so good in hurting others now. I can feel this numbness in me that doesn't really care anymore. I don't care if you're right or wrong, I don't care if you're sad or not. I just don't care.
Feel like running away, that's how I've been feeling for so long. No i'm not okay, no I don't want your help, no, don't come and ask me. Just leave me alone to die by myself. If I ever die in a freak accident, I deserve it. For a person like me.
No one can help me, I can't even help myself. Is God even willing to help me....
Is this what I really want.... I don't see any detour.
I'm bringing trouble to myself. You would say, "Let her fall, she'll learn and get back up." What if I fall and never learn to get back up? You would say, "That's her own problem." I'm too afraid to receive help. Too afraid to look for help. Just hoping that one day I'll wake up from where I am right now and start living my life right again. At the moment I am helpless, restless, hopeless. Sitting here controlling my thoughts from hurting myself. I don't want to think about the sad things to make myself cry, I don't want to think about the decisions that I have made to make myself feel awful, full of regrets. I don't want to make any decisions at all. I don't want to think about my future, never thought that I could do it anyway. I never want to hope again, it breaks fragile things like my heart.
Don't know what's right anymore.
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