My pimples had to make everything worst.

Everything is happening so quickly. Major things happens, every-day. I'm starting to go a little crazy, by telling myself and others that i'm going to die. And I realized that, I kept saying that, for some reasons, and it affects my thoughts of things. Sometimes even suicidal. This load of anxiety is my burden now. I don't know how to ease it.



Everytime I go out and didn't use that time to study, I start condemning myself, hopefully to teach myself discipline. But instead of that, I had so much guilt in me that I gave up. Study what la. I'm gona fail, etc...



I never took exams seriously. I guess this time, it's too late to change my mindset about exams. My mind is far away from it. If I really don't get good results, (good results = straight A's), many people I know, will be disappointed. My uncle would call me on my result day, parents would ask their daughter/son about my results, even my own dad, will be disappointed. Maybe not my mom, haha. =/



Pimples that grow on my face. I know how are the ones that are caused by PMS, the ones that are caused by dirt/oil, and the ones that are caused by stress. I can really tell. My PMS time is not here yet, still quite far away. But my face is filled with big, pain pimples, and they won't stop coming if I don't take care of myself, in all ways.



And Caryn, my sheep, misses me :( I read her blog, and I was so touched :') She is very close to my heart, and will always be, though we haven't have a heart-to-heart talk for a long time, hardly see her also, she still is close to my heart. She needs to know that. But in times like these, even people who are dear to me, I have to put aside for awhile. SPM feels like my life. If its bad, my life will be bad! And I pray with all my heart that I would not hold on to any regrets and guilt for the rest of my life. I can't take it :'(((



Ahh God, this feeling is haunting me everyday and night. I can't even study properly, knowing i'm lack of time. But don't be far away from me, because no genuis or superman can help me now, only You. Please help me. I can't take back my mistakes. I really want to learn my lesson. Gooooddddd..........!!!