Re-fresh! 'F5'

I like my background for my blog. It tells about my girly nature, and I love the picture above. I always wished to dance under the midnight sky filled with bright shining stars with someone I love, in a land far far away from our current world.


Cut the fairytale. Back to reality.


I'm surrounded by things that brings me down. But wait! I have things around me that cheers me up too. It's just that I choose to pay more attention to the things that saddens me.


I can say, "I will save my money and buy a big house on top of a hill when i'm 40." Or even, "I'll get married and have 2 daughters and a son by the age of 30." These are just plans made by mere humans, with no control over this world. They can plan, but they can't assume that everything will go their way. I have my plans, but I cannot be sure that it will be the same after... 5 years? So where do I put my hope in if it's not in myself or this world...? I know where.


I can't seem to stand up straight when there's a big load of weight on my shoulders that is adding up as I walk through each day of my life. It's either a new fear or insecurities, or pressure, or disappointments in me, or just simply tired. Plus! Friends that share their struggles with me, I want to help them but I can't. And I thought of so many others out there that are so unfortunate. Who's reaching out to them? And who am I??


Most of the people strive to live a happy and comfortable life by making a lot of money, having a healthy lifestyle. There's this business man that came to my family and he's trying to promote his business to us and it's obviously a shortcut to the riches of life. We get to earn RM50,000++ a month and it increases. I think desperate people like me will hunger for that, but I don't know whether is God helping me to overcome my financial status or is this just a selfish desire in me? I do ask myself: Why do I have to go through the hard way for so many years when I can get everything I want and need in just a few years' time? But I didn't place my hope in it, I just felt that it's too easy and it seems so impossible to be possible!


Then I start questioning myself again: What do I really want in life now if it's not that? What can truly make me happy and satisfied in this life? Money? Love? Freedom?



I have an answer. And i'm gona go all out for it. Though many things are gona keep pulling me down to my knees. But I know what I really want by the end of the day. And that is what I'm going to look forward to everyday. :D