Weakness

I've been so crazy these few days, no wonder people worry for me. :(


I slept at 5am on Wednesday, and woke up at 6.30am, slept again at 7+ am and woke up at 9.30am. Was awake and was dancing intensely until 6am the following day. Woke up at 9.30am, slept again at 10.30am and woke up in an hour's time. Went out the whole day and came home after 11.30pm. Couldn't sleep at all, woke up at 5am to fetch my mom to lcct and slept a little from 6am to 9am, then, now.


Basically, what i'm trying to say is that I really lack a lot of sleep. The worst part about this whole thing is that I SPRAINED MY ANKLE!! I've never had a swollen ankle in my life before, I was always healthy and fit, my ankles were strong. But.... It happened.


I performed for an orientation dinner for Victoria University students last night. During rehearsal, I ran into my friend and twisted my ankle. It wasn't so bad until they had an open dance floor for everyone and the dancers had to encourage others to dance freely. So I went a little wild with my friends, the good news is that everyone went wild and crazeh! So what we did was considered as successful ;) The bad news is I couldn't sleep for the rest of that night.


But actually! The ankle twisting wasn't the worst part. I cried so hardly last night, not only because my ankle hurts, but because I felt so insecure but yet I had no one to comfort me. There's not even one that I can turn to now. I was on my bed, thinking about all the pain, thinking about how to tell my dad, and what would happen to me, and how about my dance contract, and how my parents would rush me to rest so I could start work faster, how I can get enough money for my LIFE, how this and how that.... It fustrates me so much until I can't hold it in, I just needed to explode and cry on a shoulder that would comfort me. A voice that will tell me it's okay and is sure that it will be. Someone who could be by my side all the time. But there's just no one. So that miserable feeling started.


I cried to God, I told Him that this was what He wanted. That I would not depend on anybody but on Him. But where is Your comfort? Why do I feel so crappy now? I know I have to learn the hard way, but give me a break also! Don't be so harsh on me please! I'm no super woman...


I feel that people who are so close to me, who meant something in my heart, are slowly going away from me. I don't want to cry but I want to toughen up! But I cry.... Cried like a giant baby. I fear so much to walk this road alone. But if I have to learn it the hard way, so be it. I hold on to His promises, because they are real. But I just wondered why I wasn't comforted at all last night. It was probably one of the worst nights ever.



When will I ever finish learning...... Gosh I feel like crying again..... :'(