I'm the stupiest person on earth. So stupid I only know how to ruin people's life.
Even my own.
I borrowed Cik Malathi's punjabi suit for CF dance. It was pretty pink. She willingly borrowed it to me. She asked me to hand wash it. So I did, when I took it out from the water, the white part became pink. I was like... "How is this possible??!!!!!!!!" I'm doomed.
It didn't look bad, it's just, pink than white. The top was dark pink, scarf was dark pink at the ends, white at the middle(which turned pink), and the pants were white initially but became pale pink which still looks like white. But that's not the matter, I just screwed my teacher's clothes. And I barely know her. And she is a nice lady. I managed to tell her the next day because I couldn't stand the 'horrible-ness', she was really dissapointed and upset over it. But in the end she said it was ok because it happened already. Haih, I'm stupid enough to not seperate the white and coloured clothes. Trust me, I've learnt my lesson.
Until now, even the dance was over already, I still feel upset over it. Guilty. And what can be worst? Went to cell group just now. There was an open laptop at the table where I was at. The laptop was blocking something I was trying to see. So I closed it. The next thing I knew, Lili (laptop owner) came to the room with an angry face. "Marcus, come here, I want to talk to you for a while." Marcus was quite afraid, I heard noises. Later then he came out asking, "Who closed the laptop just now?" Well of course I admitted it. So I asked whether is it alright. He said the lcd is spoiled just by closing it because it was too old. I don't know why, it may seem like a small matter, but I've been screwing things up pretty badly. And the guilt gets worst every time I think about it.
What other than that.. Went training last Wed. It was a killer training. Sir purposely made it that way coz he knew we come once a week only(my guess). So the pain lasted until now. We had to carry weights on our back while doing squarts and 'grandma walk' and one more workout which is as tiring as squarts. All focus on legs from foot to butt. 3 sets of squarts and the one similiar to it. Each 30 times. So it's 90 times each. 5 'grandma walks' for 60M. By the time we ended, I can barely lift up my legs. After we ended, we went to look for sir, and he gave us more workouts. He asked us to run 200M 7 times with 75% effort. NOW THAT IS REALLY INSANE to give after our weights. Not only he requires us to do more (usually he ask us for 5 times only), he wants 75% effort when I can barely stand straight.
When I was preparing to run, "start!", (runs...) It was horrible. Right leg was running, left leg was dead. Imagine running with one leg. I just couldn't control my left leg as it is already so weak after the weights. Slowly I got used to it, but headache started coming. Only manage to finish 5 times. Ever since that training, the pain is really REALLY killing me. Half of my body's muscle was aching. It made me tired easily cz more strength was needed to even walk normally. Pray for recovery a.s.a.p. I need to be active for this whole week of holidays.
And now... Thinking all ways to help others when I don't even try helping myself with my dad. Neglecting the fact that we can't talk much. Refuse to spend more time with him. Answering 'yes/no/ok/hi/bye' to him. Traps anger and unforgiveness inside me. For him, he steals my time away from my friends. Accusing something I'm not. Forcing me into situations when I have no other choices but to follow him.
But behind all that... There's love. But it is blocked by hurts and unforgiveness. After all that has happened, when trust is gone, relationships seems to get further apart. And it was dragged so long until it became like us. My sister told me the only way for it to be better is to talk to one another, share bout own personal life. When I heard it, I didn't know why my heart was so hardened that I refused immediately and got furious about it. I just couldn't accept the things he has done. And I'm such an idiot to say that I cannot forgive my dad when I tell others to love. Please forgive me, I'm pretty lost.
I still love my dad.
Even my own.
I borrowed Cik Malathi's punjabi suit for CF dance. It was pretty pink. She willingly borrowed it to me. She asked me to hand wash it. So I did, when I took it out from the water, the white part became pink. I was like... "How is this possible??!!!!!!!!" I'm doomed.
It didn't look bad, it's just, pink than white. The top was dark pink, scarf was dark pink at the ends, white at the middle(which turned pink), and the pants were white initially but became pale pink which still looks like white. But that's not the matter, I just screwed my teacher's clothes. And I barely know her. And she is a nice lady. I managed to tell her the next day because I couldn't stand the 'horrible-ness', she was really dissapointed and upset over it. But in the end she said it was ok because it happened already. Haih, I'm stupid enough to not seperate the white and coloured clothes. Trust me, I've learnt my lesson.
Until now, even the dance was over already, I still feel upset over it. Guilty. And what can be worst? Went to cell group just now. There was an open laptop at the table where I was at. The laptop was blocking something I was trying to see. So I closed it. The next thing I knew, Lili (laptop owner) came to the room with an angry face. "Marcus, come here, I want to talk to you for a while." Marcus was quite afraid, I heard noises. Later then he came out asking, "Who closed the laptop just now?" Well of course I admitted it. So I asked whether is it alright. He said the lcd is spoiled just by closing it because it was too old. I don't know why, it may seem like a small matter, but I've been screwing things up pretty badly. And the guilt gets worst every time I think about it.
What other than that.. Went training last Wed. It was a killer training. Sir purposely made it that way coz he knew we come once a week only(my guess). So the pain lasted until now. We had to carry weights on our back while doing squarts and 'grandma walk' and one more workout which is as tiring as squarts. All focus on legs from foot to butt. 3 sets of squarts and the one similiar to it. Each 30 times. So it's 90 times each. 5 'grandma walks' for 60M. By the time we ended, I can barely lift up my legs. After we ended, we went to look for sir, and he gave us more workouts. He asked us to run 200M 7 times with 75% effort. NOW THAT IS REALLY INSANE to give after our weights. Not only he requires us to do more (usually he ask us for 5 times only), he wants 75% effort when I can barely stand straight.
When I was preparing to run, "start!", (runs...) It was horrible. Right leg was running, left leg was dead. Imagine running with one leg. I just couldn't control my left leg as it is already so weak after the weights. Slowly I got used to it, but headache started coming. Only manage to finish 5 times. Ever since that training, the pain is really REALLY killing me. Half of my body's muscle was aching. It made me tired easily cz more strength was needed to even walk normally. Pray for recovery a.s.a.p. I need to be active for this whole week of holidays.
And now... Thinking all ways to help others when I don't even try helping myself with my dad. Neglecting the fact that we can't talk much. Refuse to spend more time with him. Answering 'yes/no/ok/hi/bye' to him. Traps anger and unforgiveness inside me. For him, he steals my time away from my friends. Accusing something I'm not. Forcing me into situations when I have no other choices but to follow him.
But behind all that... There's love. But it is blocked by hurts and unforgiveness. After all that has happened, when trust is gone, relationships seems to get further apart. And it was dragged so long until it became like us. My sister told me the only way for it to be better is to talk to one another, share bout own personal life. When I heard it, I didn't know why my heart was so hardened that I refused immediately and got furious about it. I just couldn't accept the things he has done. And I'm such an idiot to say that I cannot forgive my dad when I tell others to love. Please forgive me, I'm pretty lost.
I still love my dad.
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