I opened the door and said...

I'm home early!!! :DDD My sister greeted me with a =_^"

Well it was 1.30am. Too early to come home on a Friday night. It's because I FREAKIN' WORKED for 13 hours already. So I had the special permission to leave early. Brussels Beer Cafe likes to play songs from Nsync, Westlife, Backstreetboys. My friends were being emo. Now it slowly affects me. Especially songs like Tearin' Up My Heart, My love. Somehow their lyrics really crushes my heart to bits, at times when I really think about it. And so i'm drowning myself into these songs right now. I need to.



Yish. Everytime I come online, people are OFFLINE. Lol. Living like an owl ain't that fun when you have close friends like the morning birds. So what can I do living like an owl? Hang out with the other owls!! Wakakaka... LAME. I totally left CJ alone on his birthday. Gona claim NANDOS from him once he steps into PJ. Plan a kidnap mission.


Am actually very troubled. Am just crapping since the first paragraph of this post. All the rubbish that fills my head when I try burying what seems impossible to bury. The decisions I make are so naive and dumb. Well at least I got to know that now than later.


Still....

God help me. I'm at the stage where I don't know how to help myself. I'm so blind. What I thought was right wasn't. What I had in mind was all destroyed. Nothing I know that is dependable is left. What else have I got now.... It's really tearin' up my heart. No form of encouragement would be affective until I get a conclusion. And now it got me thinking....



People swear with whatever language there is, they scream whatever crap they want, they do what they think is right which is also crap, they talk like they're boss, they want things their way, they do whatever they want to, all because they chose to.


Well....
Of course I would like to scream whatever bull when I'm angry without having to think about what others may feel first.
Of course I want to do whatever I want which makes me happy before having to think of the bad consequences of it.
Of course I want to control my own life, without having to serve others but only myself.
Of course I don't want people to tell me what is right when I can decide what is right.


I'm being influenced by the people around me. But don't worry, it shouldn't be something I should avoid, but a good temptation, a good challenge, a test. Being exposed this way only makes things clearer to me why on earth do I need God. Somehow tougher when I feel weak.


...... And i'm finally giving up. I'm gona sleep now. Tomorrow, my only off day, is gona be BUSY. Thank God? Yeah.


IStillLovePink.