Shooting You.

I was so determined to change my bad habit. I try every morning to be early or on time. I do my work. I finish them as soon as possible. And I study for my tests and quizzes. But I still fail.

I just came back from dance and it's so tiring. First I screwed up my dance video, I forgot my move at the beginning and I was not given any more chance. Then I'm going to perform a dance in a wedding next Sunday and I just learned the moves just now and by tomorrow it has to be perfect already. And tomorrow, I have my English Quiz which contains 15% of my whole course marks. I haven't study a thing, and it's not easy at all... And I have my lab test on Friday, that one too, I struggle more. :( I hate doing all these last minute reading. I want to get out of it but my schedule is so packed. I'm going to start working at Brussels again soon, so say good bye to youth hang out times on Saturdays and Sundays. I'll be working on Friday night too.

Well i'm still very disappointed over what had happened. And I still remember that my dad defended himself and said he provided everything I needed. But the truth is, he didn't. I'm not blaming him, but he has to know that HE DIDN'T. Right now, HE is asking me to work because he can't afford to pay everything for my sister and I, since my sister is starting her Degree Course in HELP next week too. My father said that it's either I work, or I don't get pocket money. He also said that he's not forcing me. Whow, if you aren't, it's not like I have a choice too right? You're saying that it's either I work or I starve myself to death in college. And he's bugging me to call my supervisor to inform her that i'm working, and I have to be quick before I loose my chance, and she's not in a good mood, and a lot of other people wants to work, and so many UTAR students are working full time, why can't I work, yadayadayda. He also said that I have time to go Tropicana City Mall means I got time to work also. He's telling me that i'm wasting my time going out and that I should work. AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, HE SAYS THAT HE'S NOT FORCING ME TO WORK.

That's crap, don't you think so? If you want me to work, just admit it, don't give me 101 excuses why I should start work fast and lie and say you're not forcing me. Because you can't force me. I'm doing it so that you would just stop complaining about me. Seriously, that's truth. And other than that, get some money for myself. Since you no longer will provide for me after I start work, so you can go gamble all your money, go drink your beer all you want, go flirt with girls your type. If I fail my course, you would be one of the reasons why.

And i'm also very angry with you. I rather shout it all here than shout it right in your face. I know it hurts. But still.... You make me wana blow every time you tell me things that are craps. I have to rush and stress myself to start work and find the most suitable time when you just have to yadayadaydayda no money yadayadayada don't waste time yadayadayada. I have no time to waste, and 24 hours a day it's not enough for me either. Youuuu..... Grrrr........... I hate this feeling. I want inner peace. I want to say that everything is under control. And I will be fine.


Sigh. All the releasing of anger. Sigh!! Thank you.