Well I've been a Christian for 3 and a half years now. I've learnt so much, but still foolish in many ways. As I grew in Christ, I desire so much for others to feel what I feel. I've made so many mistakes, and i'm still making them. As I look back at some of the things that I did before, I feel disgusted. Because God hates sin. And now, I still struggle so much, to live a life that is pleasing unto Him, with dignity, honor, integrity. If my life was a book, I would tear out some pages and burn them so that no one would know what were the contents.
It's hard to be a youth leader when sometimes what you teach contradicts yourself, when you can't be whole when you're around your sheeps. It's hard also because you carry more responsibilities and have higher expectations from others. But... I still have a great desire to serve, a great desire to impact lives for God, a great desire to see someone grow in Christ. Passionate, is what I want to be for God, not for man. But it doesn't mean that troubles and temptations will not come my way, but instead, they'll come trouble me even more! I go to college and dance, I mix with people who thinks cheating is totally fine, thinking premarital sex is acceptable. Don't be mistaken, I still love them even though they think differently than I do, but I cannot conform to the way they think. It's hard to mix with people who have so different values and principles, I don't know how to be close with them in a group, sometimes I tend to isolate myself, because I feel like I do not belong to the group. I don't know whether it's a bad thing or a good thing, lol.
Though I may be weak in many ways, imperfect, but let God motivate me. Let me run after what He desires. Let me love like how He loves.
I totally understand how you feel. Just today, I met a guy at work who tried to teach me how to take stuff if I wanted. He said no one there really cared. You know where I work, you know my interest in all these things... Even the other day you said I behaved like a girl who just went on a shopping spree when I showed you my room. But for some reason, I felt repulsed by the idea...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, the feeling you feel about not belonging in a group like that is natural. You don't have to isolate yourself from them, just make sure you don't act like them just to fit in. I've made that mistake before, you'll regret. Matthew 5:13-16 talks about us being the salt and light of the earth. When I acted like my old schoolmates, I was technically "hiding my light".
To be holy means to be set apart. Meaning that you don't behave the way they do. eg, if my friends does weed, I'll excuse myself, leave and wait for them to finish instead of sitting with them acting all "cool". An actual friend will understand and respect your choice and also see that you are different and accept it. Others will call you looser, coward, bla bla bla, and some will tempt you with the "our whole group does it" nonsense.
In the end, please be a light that shines for Christ. Even if you struggle, you aren't alone. We all go through similar problems.
I love you darling, will talk to you about it on thurs? Muacks.
-Aaron Lee *cotton candy*-