Do you know what it feels like waking up in the middle of the night, hearing shouts and cries by your loved ones? Those living under the same roof as you. And suddenly you feel so weak and your only desperate wish is just to have a peaceful home...?
Waking up realizing my room door was open wide, and I don't know how long since the argument started. The weight of sorrow numbed me, I couldn't move, realizing things never changed. Feeling like I'm cursed from birth. Things never changed.
Being the youngest in the family, no matter how loud you shout, beg, cry, nobody hears you. Many things broke, from tables to doors, from skin to hearts. Every noise I heard, I could only stare at the ceiling and could not hear anything else. Couldn't even get out from bed to walk a few steps and shut the door, as much as I wanted to. And when the noise went down for a while, it ended with a slam of a door shut. I can finally... Sleep. Not in peace though. The next thing I knew, I woke up.
And the next thing I knew, many things broke, as expected. And I grew up like this.
And so the song 'Confessions of a broken heart' by Lindsay Lohan plays in my head.
Tomorrow's my dad's birthday. Shyt has to happen right before his birthday. It only makes birthdays more... Saddening. It's another birthdays where we have to pretend nothing has happened. Another one that we have to burden ourselves by being happy. It makes me want to be more rebellious, makes me want to be ignorant. But I was that before I met Christ, but now... I can only wait in hope.
Ahhh!!!!! My screwed up mind. What's next....
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