Well where do I start? It's late and this is my last blog of the month I guess.. Cried today, like finally... I thought the shepherd has to take care of the sheep, but instead, the sheep took care of the shepherd, how weird eh? Let's start.
Had drama competition among classes today, and the good news is that my class won first place. Hmm, I never wana act again, the crowd FREAKS me OUT!! Well I was the nanny of 2 small girls. The two small girls were Shiat Hui(my closest friend for the moment) and Zer Rinn. They were very cute cz they get to dress up and braid their long hair with ribbons. Let us talk about Shiat Hui, as everyone knows, she's so lovable, adorable in everyone's sight. En. Zol adores her, everyone in class plays with her and take pictures with her. Many things I noticed. Well i'm happy for her, she's that way because of who she really is. Her character, personality, just suit her. We are very close, we sit together in class, go recess together, go training together. How can I not see those? Everywhere we go, she's adored.
What I just realized was... I don't know how to put it. I'm not being L.O.A. What is really happening is that, by hanging out with her, I may be her closest friend, but others only see her instead of me. Owh man, you don't know which part of hell I went through. I'm gona have a tough time finishing this blog. Hello.....? Does anyone see me at all? I don't attract your attention much, but everytime when attention is caught on me, it's never a good one. Example after drama. Went recess with Chew Yee and the whole gang. Me and Shiat Hui just sat down, everyone came in and said things like "Oh Shiat Hui, you were SOOO CUUTTEEE!!". Yes, it's true. At that moment, I was happy for her. We walked around, everyone that sees her praised her for her acting in the drama. But it broke my heart when SUDDENLY OUT OF NO WHERE: "Huey Wern, you looked so weird just now" "You look like you just woke up" "Seriously, you look very weird just now." And right after that they turned to Shiat Hui again. The thing is... I was forced to put powder on my hair, and the make up artist messed my hair. Yea I looked weird. But I acted my role, I remembered the script. I made an effort to do my best. But what kind of comments I receive? Is that all you see in me? Especially having Shiat Hui beside me, it gives me that giant load of presure.. It feels like.. You will never know how it feels like. I mean it.
So I left the canteen immediately, cz I couldn't take it anymore. I told them I had to do something. And they said ok, bye. (wow, that's all) And I went off. Looking for someone who would spend time to listen to me. Then I ran into 2 girls that were from the same gang of chew yee's. And they gave me the same damn comment. What am I suppose to say? Thank you???? Yea, leave me alone man. Get lost!!!!!!! I walked on, I saw Caryn, my dear sheep. I couldnt stand it and took her away and burst out infront of her. She listened to me, cared for me, wanted to know more. She is... What I call... my friend.
What I really really don't understand is.. I used to be so close with everyone when i was in form 1 or 2, and after form 3, I change for the better. God changed me. I see everything more meaningful now. I stop lying, I stop cracking sick jokes, I don't date and dump, I was more responsible... Everything I changed. But why after that I start losing my friends? Where the hell did i go wrong? Why is everyone doing this to me?! What the heck did I do to deserve this?!
What the heck? Internet got disconnected and they didnt save my full blog. GREAT.
I hate what Im writting now, I hate what I have to go through right now, I hate finishing this stupid blog now cz I don't think anyone would read this. God Please Help Me. I can't stand this anymore :'( I don't know who to turn to, who to trust, who are my true friends that still cares.. High school life will never be good memories already. So Just Shoot Me Will Ya?!
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