For me... Athletics is equal to my studies. It's like I live with double roles as a student. And it's tough!! I have to admit, i'm tired of it, I had phobia of it. To me, athletics is like my biggest giant ever!! Others may not understand what i'm feeling now, but it's that BAD.
After 09's MSSS, I decided to give up and do something I like which are singing, dancing etc. Even though it's also tough, but it's somehting I have so much passion in. I spent 1/3 of my life(time) in athletics, I have to train 4 times a week, 2 and a half hours per session. Imagine this, I go to school in the morning, have lunch, rest not more than an hour, then I have to go training till evening, dinner, tuition/classes till 10pm, then homework time starts at 11. It really scares me as each day passes by. Everyone in my family encouraged me to stop athletics, I too, wanted, but because of my coach that i'm doing all these.
He's a good man, but sometimes, I don't understand why he would hate us if we quit. I've seen it happen, no one dares to stand up against him. Because he is the ASEAN coach, higher rank than all the teachers in the school, even the head-mistress OBEYS him! He thinks that it is unfair for him since he has trained us and never give up on us, but we are the ones quitting on him. But why don't he understand that it is also unfair that we do not have a choice, and that we have to stay with this until we leave school, it's not easy man.. I have studies to cope, tuitions to attend, classes to learn something I like to do in life. I was so discouraged, coz no one undersands how I feel. And I don't know what on earth am I suppose to do..
But after today, Sir has gave a lecture to some of us. Well... From there, I found reasons why should I stay other than just him. It's something good somehow, coz I found hope in athletics. I may not win, I may not be the best athlete, I may suffer BIG time, but if I'm discipline enough, and more hardworking, I would achieve something. I'll be a healthy kid! Committed to what I do since form 1. And in the same time, I get to have fun and suffer along with other friends, coz we are all going through the same thing.
But most importantly, I wana know what God has to say about this. Cz all the while I think that He doesnt really want me to continue athletics, because I never perform great in it, I always screw up in the end. It has been 3 years I've trained. But I still screw up. And I've found more reasons to quit than to stay. But God, please teach me what to do. I'm really LOST, and it gets me very fustrated. I need answers from You my God. Also, please pray for me if anyone is reading this. It's killing me :'(
Okay, lets talk about a different thing now. My day was... fine? I manage to finish my homework, and it is consider a big achievement for me already! Haha.. Thank you thank you. And I lost my pencil box, I guess I can't sleep tonight :( Went dinner with my 2nd mom(kakak), missed her so much since she left half way during my PMR week. House was so clean and floor was so smooth till I slipped on my first step in the house with my socks on >< . And I get to blog! Yeahs...
I also waited in the Bio lab in school for someone I wanted to see for a long time. It is a "he" btw, lols. After the bell rang, they all came down, usually he would walk with his best friend, but I saw his best friend but he wasn't there with him. So I waited, till the last person went by. Then I felt dissapointed, but then I realized that I focused so much on him, and forgetting bout my Father in Heaven. And I apologized. I guess it was a test. At least I remembered ><" So... I'm moving on. ^^
And Finally...
I will be attending training tomorrow after a LOOONG time, wish me all the best! Nights ya'll.
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