Remind me again.... Who am I? And what on earth am I doing here on earth? Why must I have to try to sleep in a very difficult way every night? Because it is the best time to drown myself in tears... Why do I have to hurt others to make myself feel better when they are hurt? But then after a while it hurts in me 10X more. I cannot bring myself to have a peaceful sleep. Waking up in regrets. So miserable.


Things are slowly getting hectic, actually, things are like a balloon that is getting blowed, and it is filled with so much crap that it will burst at any time soon. I really fear for that cursed day, I never hope it'll come. But I guess that in order for things to be straighten out again, things have to explode and burst and cause a big disaster.


There are 2 parts of me right now: 1 is the outer me, the one that looks fine, because I have muscles to control to look fine, to act fine. The other is the inner me, the one that is struggling with the outer me, because inside, it's like a storm, with hurricanes and earthquakes, a boiling volcano. I can have so much fun outside, laughing my head off with friends. But I feel the total opposite when I come home. Home is like where I am truly myself, because I don't have to pretend for anyone, or I don't have to adjust myself for anyone. It's the place where we can properly release our emo atmosphere properly, without having to affect much things around.


I'm so hurt, and I can't describe anymore the pain that I feel. Sigh I hate being emo especially when I say that 'I'm so hurt', cz it doesn't really much coz everyone gets hurts. To me, it's just like another normal thing to feel. But right now, as I am 'hurt', I need help from God. Because I feel like torturing myself 10X more. I shouldn't have have lose my temper, I shouldn't have said what I said. Or acted the way I did. All these I brought unto myself. I feel better being punished 10X more. Sigh....



This miserable feeling when you are releasing all your hurts but no one is beside me. It sucks :'( Just let me sleep tonight, and i'll forget when I wake up.