Delay No More.

The very second I finish posting up my previous post, things started to change for the worst. Even that night itself. I never expected that to happen but it did anyway. Why do things go extremely wrong after I say, "How bad can it be?" or "Everything's gona be just fine." It only makes me feel that things will always be bad and there's never an end to it. Need a break but I can't have one.


Well CF dance is FINALLY over. We worked so hard for it. Among 4 of us, 3 had backaches. One with spine problem, one with a minor injury, one had to meet a chiropractician and she couldn't sit down properly. Lol. It was only me that didn't get any back problems. Among 4 of us, all of us had many bruises on our legs, especially knees. Elaine had 7 on the right leg, 4 on the left. What was my problem? It's pms which are body & head aches & I hate it!


But the good part is, we really really thank God that we finished everything! We could barely pass first audition cz we were every where on stage, messy, not coordinated, not full choreography, TERRIBLE! We had a 2nd chance which is just the next day and we improved alooot. And it is only possible with God. :D


Other than that, I realize..... Something about myself. I think everything that happens around me has created in me an evil being. My patience level is 0, my anger level is 110, and I've been extremely harsh with my words. I can even tear someone down with just a simple word. I even had this dream this morning, and it reflects how I actually feel. Thanks to my dreams now, it reveals things about me that I usually don't come across of when i'm awake. But knowing the fact that i'm feeling this way, is kinda scary, cz.... Where did all these came from? When did it started? And I constantly ask myself.... Who am I? In my own views, and in God's view. I don't seem to feel anything, or see anything, but just doing what i'm suppose to do, which is not even right at times. Oh man, knowing something is wrong with me, I struggle to go back where I came from. I feel far away, but am I? Or am I just paranoid or something? I'd blame PMS.



I've been involved in the world of non-believers lately, the real hard-core ones. It looks very familiar. But it only takes one step to fall into it. But it takes more than just steps to be out of it. I'm exposed to temptations when i'm around them. My mind was so distracted. But then I thought maybe it's time. It's time to come out of my shell and stop being with people I am comfortable with. But be the light even if i'd be the only one. How can I be a good influence to 10 people and not the other way? Don't it usually happens the other way? It's time to face temptations and overcome it. It's time to learn and to be exposed to what the world is really like till the very depth of it. It's time to hold on to my faith and only believe what is true. It's all part of growing up in being a Christian. Nobody said it was easy anyway. If God wants to use me now, I don't want to delay, even if my studies is down the drain, even if i'm struggling with myself and other people, even if I had to loose close relationships with loved ones, even if everyone leaves me, even if everything is just wrong, don't delay. What I really pray is that at the end of the day, I would still be on the right path with God and not loose track.


Amen.