It's a Monday!! And very soon, a Friday.

You know when you done something really wrong and you felt so unworthy to even call out His name or to even pray to God? It happened on Saturday, I could hardly sleep also coz of the guilt that I have. And I had to go church the next morning. But Elder Stephen Choi was talking on my favorite chapter in the bible. Love, the most excellent way.


He said this, when we confess our sins, God, will not only forgives us, but also purifies us, and forgets our trangressions. It really touched me in a way that I felt His love & acceptance, though unworthy, again. :')



I finally have something to write in my journal.


After that morning.... I got impatient, irritated, with other people. Where is my patience man?! The first characteristic the bible use to describe agape love is patience. I don't know why I have so much hatred in me. Even when I talk, I sound angry. I blow up easily. I've hurt so many people around me, and I feel terrible.



I hate myself for being like this. When I told this to my sister, lucky she has the patience lah, haha. I talked and talked until I blame God for something He did not do. I prayed till I doubt. I blame Him for not healing my sickness until it got worst and caused so much trouble for me. But my sister told me that, we do not believe in God because He answeres our prayers, but we believe in Him because of the faith that we have. Of course it made sense, I wasn't. I was just angry, and exploding, in my thoughts, my speech. I wasn't even being rational.



Hmmph :/ Other than that, I have to start studying. I have this fear that I'm gona do so badly in my SPM. It haunts me everyday and night. And I have so many other things to do. I already said no to the Leo install dance with the alpha crew. :/ It'll take up alot of time. And there's also Hari Koko dance which is required to do. And I thought after Sports day, no more work to do, but I still have to collect numbers from the participants, wash the gloves, the caps, ..... I hate this job!!!!



I can't tell my mind to study, which makes me feel even more scared. If only I have a remote control for my mind. To think about what I should think about. Hah. Then I wouldn't have to strugle with my mind so much.