disturbed

I'm so 'fan' right now.


I'm trying my best, struggling to focus on what's more important. I'm struggling to involve God in every area of my life. Struggling to place my confidence in Him. I struggle every day when I wake up! Knowing that everything that is happening is a reality! Oh what a horrible day I have to go through! And if I loose focus on God, I might just slip and die.

I don't want to go back there. Being in a world without God will just kill you slowly. There's no sign of Hope, every way you take is dark, you wouldn't know what's hiding in the shadows, and at any time, you might just fall into a deep hole and die. Though yea, you can do whatever you want to do without having to care, but you are actually opening yourself to evil, and bad things will just happen anytime, any way. Well that's how I felt, I wouldn't know about you.

Taking the decision to come back to the right way definitely made everything so much harder than before. It's not so easy like just to turn your back and walk the opposite direction. All the things you went through, like wounds and scars, you will still carry them! Like consequences of the horrible things you chose to do will weigh your shoulders down to the ground that it's so hard to even look up.


I'm struggling with so many things. And I know I can't deal with all these things if I don't deal with God first. My heart needs to be right, my confidence and security has to be in Him and not anywhere else.Why do I take such a long time to get this right? Well I am desperate for it! What's really stopping me?


Discouragements from life. It's like... UUURRRRGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Lord i'm trying my best, You know it. Help me, and give me Your grace. Give me a calm heart and mind, that I can see You, and not swayed by the things of this earth.


Sleepless nights is just the beginning.