Scream your heart out

I'm suppose to be in tuition now, but I chose to go cc instead. Why?

Because i'm so troubled, tired, and i'm struggling with everyone and everything around me.


I choose to neglect what is good for me. I went my own way instead. Without asking God, I made terrible decisions.


I'm alone, always alone. The feeling is scary. But thank God that I have GOD! My dad has not been buying food for me, he keeps asking me to get lunch and dinner by my own. I end up poisoning myself with maggi. So it's 9.30 and i've been in the cc for an hour, by myself. Still deciding what to eat.


Sigh.


I don't know how to tell myself that it's ok. I don't know how to respond to certain things. I don't know how to manage things. I no longer know how to care for others when i'm also struggling to find comfort, I don't even have time to give myself some comfort. :'( I'm not your angel, i'm just like you people.


I fail to see the bigger picture of God in my life. Really FAILED. Ended up fighting my own war. But today, even though things went haywire, God still didn't fail to show up and be my superhero. He really showed up even though I prayed with doubts. You don't know how screwed up screwed ups can get. Ahh....


I'm getting sick. From head, to nose, no lungs, to legs. I feel like giving up.

I always feel like I cannot trust anybody. I cannot rely on anybody, cz they'll end up disappointing you. Argh... My mind...... I can't type as fast as how worries and troubles pop out in my mind before my eyes. God help me......


I've neglected Steadfast. I don't feel like i'm doing what I'm suppose to do. I didn't call them up, or even bother to build my relationship with them. I've no time, and I fill myself with other things instead. VBS, CF Easter, CF Dance, MSSS, Mid terms, asdhj, hfuaherofe, fiehjrfo, dudfhwie!!!!


Just waiting for the day when I would just drop down to the ground, and give up my strength and will to do anything.


I don't know how to rely on God to bring me through all these. I'm terrible :'(

I don't know who to call when I'm about to crash and burn. Is God teaching me something BIG here? Raarrr!!!! I really really hope that whatever I do, I will not regret it. Haih.


Conclusion: I think a big wave is gona hit me hard if I don't build this defence wall.

Ok the later it gets, the more people comes in to the cc. I better leave. Hmm... I'm gona potong P1WiMax. Screw it.