A Hard Time

I was a very angry person these few days. So angry that I kept myself away from people so I wouldn't do something that I would regret. I became so bitter inside that everything that came out of me was bitter as well. It reflects in the way I treat others, in how I control my patience and anger. The tone that I speak, everything was just bad. Then suddenly this soft touch came, and I cried a bucket of tears.


People get tired of getting angry all the time. And I know the root to solve all these anger problems, is to forgive. But oh how hard, I refuse! After all the trouble that I went through, all the shit I've tasted, man it was too much, but I open my mouth and let you stuff all the shit down my throat, I wonder why I open my mouth at all? To someone who doesn't have a heart. It's a plain waste.


Until today, i'm still so angry, and I simply can't even think about forgiveness. But I see all my fruits that was produced from that bitter root, they are all bad and they bring destruction. So what do I really want at the end of the day........... How am I able to....... Why is my conscience going strongly against my feelings? Should I overcome or let myself be overcomed..? And this is another internal war.


If I choose the hard way, which is also the right way, the road that comes after that will not be easy, in fact, there'll be more rocky roads than this one. Gosh reality sucks.


No matter how hard I occupy myself, I can never run from reality at the end of the day. I want to curse, I want to swear, I want to kill, I want to do everything that I'm forbidden from doing. I want to let all the things that is inside me to come out, I can't hold them in much longer. People can judge me, I don't need them to tell me what to do, God knows what I'm going through, if you can't help me, then leave me alone, stop pointing that finger of yours at me. Hate is all that I feel right now.