Since I can't go online at home anymore, if u see me coming online, it means i either have to check my mail, or blog. And when I blog, means something is wrong with me that I can't help but to pour it here.
It's not the physical that needs healing, but internal.
Been wounded for so many years, and I came to realize the real root cause of it in the last 3 days, after noticing all the consequences that came along with it. It.... Shucks a lot.
I can say i'm no different from any brat by the streets, as foolish as them, doing foolish things, bringing myself into more troubles. I hate it. I look at myself in disgust and disappointment. And I wonder how God can be so patient with me.
We are suppose to learn from mistakes, not repeat them for SO MANY TIMES! I must be the stupidest person on earth. Ahh.. Condemnation. I can no longer say I'm right, coz I'm not. But if you ask me whether I can change? I can't, absolutely not. After so many things that happened, I'm such a failure. But God can. He can change me, I just have to let him. Then why don't I let Him? I have to go deep, down, inside to really release whatever that is not good for me. And that, is not easy at all. It takes a nuclear bomb to dig up the "dirt" and clear them away. Arghhh....
I feel so sorry for so many people today that I have taken granted for. People who are close to me. Friends, family. Arhhh, how I wish to blog everyday. My life would be so much harder starting from now. I thought I was broke, until I face today. And maybe, soon. I feel like i'm all cramped up inside, just wanting to burst out but couldn't, and so I'm left in this position. Do you know how incredibly uncomfortable is that?
I'm one epic failure. If that's how you use that word.
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Philippians 4:19 says, "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."
ReplyDeleteMatthew 6:33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Remember to take captive of every thoughts that comes into your mind, for 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "...and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
God is God for a reason, so keep on praying and believing that He'll deliver you out of your problems. The next time you think of these problems, ask God "God, what are you teaching me through this?" and He will gladly show you =)
- All You Gotta Do Is Just Believe -
you certainly are epic, but i'm pretty sure you're not a failure.
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